I was speaking with a young friend I’m mentoring over coffee the other day and was struck by something.

The younger generations of Americans, and perhaps a good majority of Americans as a whole, don’t see their lives as citizens of this wealthy and lucky land as an honor and a responsibility with which they are entrusted to do something to contribute.

JFK famously said “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” 

Now the common creed of American life seems to be:

“Ask not what you can do for your country, family, friends, church, neighborhood, God, or city, but what can everyone else do for you?”

What JFK knew and the founding fathers knew, was that for a country to be free and successful, the people needed to be virtuous.  This is one reason why, though some of the founders like Jefferson and Franklin, who were not particularly religious were nonetheless big supporters of religion.  Religion forces man’s selfish tendencies to be put on the backburner in place of a communal good.

A community of people trying to get what they can from others, or unwilling to forgive or pitch in and help out is not healthy. 

Are you that man or woman, when it’s your time to contribute, you’re nowhere to be found?  When they throw me in the grave, I want to look back and say I left it all on the table and tried to live and give fully, though I know I’ll make mistakes and fall short at times.
 
Real joy and peace comes from extending ourselves for some purpose or for someone.
The world health itself comes from the world healing.  What exactly are we healing as we become healthy?

We are becoming healthy by learning to set our ego aside.   This is our Ikigai, as the Japanese would say, our reason for being. 

Back at the coffee shop, as my young friend and I sipped our coffees, I looked at him and I said:

“If you want to live a good life, and look at yourself in the mirror and be at peace, then do the opposite of what most people do, and you’ll be fine.  You’ll be healthy.”

When it’s your turn to pitch in, pitch in.
When most people are too afraid, speak up.
When most people are talking over one another, be quiet.
When most people are criticizing, try to see the good.
When most people are saying everything is good, try to see the obvious problem that no one wants to admit.
When most people try to spend for happiness, enjoy the simple things and save.
When most people are afraid to do the right thing, do it even if it’s hard.
When most people watch TV, read.
When most people eat mindlessly, thank God you have been blessed with great company and food. Eat drink, and be merry in gratitude.
When most people seek glitz and noise, seek silence.
When most people hold grudges, forgive.
When most people quit, don’t give up.
When most people don’t know when to quit, move on and try something else.
When most people talk, listen.
When most people don’t listen, forgive them.  They’re asleep.  They can’t help it.
When most people try to please by being somebody they’re not, find people who accept you the way you are.
When most people blame, try to change yourself.
When most people think they’re perfect, admit and work on your faults.
When most people are lazy, work hard.
When most people are working hard for no reason or for the wrong reasons, work hard for the right reason.  And be happy for what you’ve been given. 
When most people won’t think, contemplate.
When most people are prejudiced, try to see the other point of view.
When most people try to put up emotional walls, try to tear them down. 
When most people eat fast food, cook at home.
When most people drive, walk.
When most people hurry, slow down.
When most people procrastinate, do the first things first.
When most people take, give.
When most people shame you for getting “uppity”, have the courage to teach them the error of their ways: Be the bigger person.   *This is huge. 
When most people are inside, go outside.
When most people are cheering for heroes on movies, TV, or at arenas, go and become one yourself.
When most people are making excuses, don’t.
When most people lie to themselves and others, have the courage to tell the truth. 
When most people are being proud, be humble.
When most people are followers, lead.
When most people won’t follow, acknowledge legitimate authority, be humble, and follow.
When most people are talking on and on about themselves, take the time to really get to know someone else by asking questions and showing them you care for them.

When most people hate, let it go.

When most people are asking “What can my country do for me?” ask “What can I do for my        country?”

As we finished up our coffees and the hot April sun started to shine out on the patio I summed it up:

“If you want to be healthy, if you want to be whole and experience joy, if you want to feel real happiness, do the opposite of what most people do- give and love and you will be truly free and truly fine.”

“Trust me”, I told him, “I’ve been 'most people' before, we all have, so I know exactly where they’re coming from.”
 
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I’ve learned some things about your body along my path of work and wellness.  I thought you should know the too, since it’s your body we’re talking about. 

1) The hardest battle you will ever fight will be in your mind and in your spirit.

Do you want it bad enough? Are you willing to work? Can you focus? Do you even care? Are you afraid?

2) You should do (really do) physical therapy and get several opinions before you have an orthopedic surgery.

Most people give up on therapy too quick and then don’t get more than one opinion before having surgery. Often, surgery doesn’t help.

3) You aren’t accustomed to being hungry and that’s one reason you can’t lose weight.

 Fasting for short periods of time can train your willpower.  Of course, I fast occasionally for          spiritual reasons, but just learning to say “no” when your body wants something is a virtuous and useful skill to have for many reasons. 

4) You don’t know how your body works.

I take for granted how much I know about how the body’s joints, muscles, physiology, and         mechanics work, so I get unfairly frustrated at how out of touch most people are with their own bodies.  Learn to pay attention to your body and adjust the way you live, work out, eat, etc. 
              
Do you feel better when you don’t eat breakfast, or do? Do you hate running because it hurts your knees? Does your back hurt and if so why? What are you doing to cause yourself to feel or perform or look the way you do? Do you like to take naps? Ask hard questions and then get answers.
       
Take some time and study.  Find out how your body works.

5) You are probably not in proper alignment due to poor posture, muscle and joint imbalances, tight muscles, and / or bad habits.

Poor posture plays a big role in pain and performance.  As do tight muscles, muscular imbalances, and bad habits.  A spine, or core, in improper alignment can cause all sorts of movement problems down the “chain”- the rest of the body. 

6) You can change your body and you don’t have to be perfect. 

I know you think you can’t change your body, but you can.  I’ve seen it over and over and over and over again.  *Warning though: One downside to a constant bombardment of ads, TV shows, celebrities, and movies is the acquired belief that everyone should look perfect.  You may never be a supermodel but who cares?  You don’t need to be.  You don’t need to be perfect but you can change.

7) The reason you aren’t happy and you hate doing things that you know are good for you is because you’re lazy. I love you, but you are.  I know this because I am too, sometimes.

God has given us what we have to work with.  We should deal with the world joyfully because this is the world as it is and as it’s been made.  When we hate what we have, what’s right in front of us, or what we need to do, it’s a form of laziness.  It’s a refusal to see things right in front of us, a refusal to act, and accept responsibility.   We are lazy when we deny reality.  Just because you’re busy doesn’t mean you aren’t lazy.  Some of the busiest times in my life have also been when I’ve been the laziest.        

Not being lazy means being busy, but only busy doing what needs to be done. 

8) You will hurt at some point, but pain can be managed.

There are many ways to deal with pain: change what you’re doing, exercise endorphins kill pain, certain types of self-massage, supplements, certain types of natural anti-inflammatories such as fish oil, ginger, turmeric (I take all 3 of these every day), music, aromatherapy (no, seriously), meditation, biodfeedback, and so on. 

9) You need to take a day off.

No I mean a day off from EVERYTHING.  Just once a week.  You need to rest.

10) Luck and genetics play a role in what you can do. 

I will never be good at basketball, golf, trumpet playing, being politically correct, or gymnastics. But I’m a pretty good runner, a good writer, and I’m not bad at volleyball or tennis.  And I’m very strong.  I will probably have high blood pressure (my Dad has it).  Luck and genetics play a role in what is possible.  

Keep these things in mind along your path to health and fitness, since now you know them too. 

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This is the last in a series of 4 consecutive posts on aging.  I hope you've enjoyed these. 

Click below to read more:

Aging Can Equal Joy
You Are Not Meant To Grow Old & Feeble
Your Heart is A Miracle

The Art of Aging Well

“If you are mindful that old age has wisdom for its food, you will so exert yourself in youth, so that your old age will not lack sustenance.” –Leonardo

“A life not worth examining is not worth living.” –Plato
 
Engage with any type of media- newspaper, magazine, TV, radio, or internet and you’re likely to hear or see ads about aging.  Plastic surgeons, drug companies, nutritional supplement companies, dermatologists, cosmetic companies, and even dentists, among many others have gotten very good at getting us to spend our dollars to try to stay young.  America it seems, doesn’t value the wisdom and unique virtues of the older among us. 

We know the positive impact exercise can have on the aging process but what about our perspective on aging?

What if our perspective on aging is actually causing us to age even faster?  Could the stress we feel about aging exist partially because we haven’t come to terms with our own mortality? 

I’ve noticed over the years from the many older adults I’ve worked with how young an ‘older’ person can seem when they have the right attitude, positive energy, and are upbeat and joyful about life.  Most of us have known older people who seemed to stand out for their very real sense of youth and vigor. 

One of my favorite people who meets this description is a client and friend, Ms. Lucy Willard of Atlanta.  Lucy was a flight attendant for Pan-Am airlines back in the 40s but as of this writing, in her late 80s, she still wakes at 6am every morning for her 2 mile walk at the 2nd Ponce De Leon Baptist Church Fitness Center in Atlanta.  She has a social calendar which would be the envy of many in their 20s or 30s.  More telling, Lucy brings a smile to all those around her with her impeccable sense of fashion, upbeat demeanor, and witty sense of humor.

Hollywood perpetuates the notion that no one gets any older. Media stars spend millions of dollars to look younger than they really are.  Most of us can’t afford these options. 

It’s easy to see how we could get stressed out about aging if we compare ourselves to celebrities in superficial ways.  Every culture’s perspective on aging is different.  In the US we are not particularly kind to older people.  Age is not celebrated as a marker of respect anymore.

Regardless of where you look in our country, aging is viewed in an almost entirely pessimistic light.  I can remember a time in the not so distant past when I was a child in the 80s it seemed to be quite different.  Maybe the pendulum will swing back the other direction so age is seen as something to be revered as a marker of wisdom and maturity. 

In many cultures, older adults are held up as the great purveyors of wisdom and truth and are to be honored and respected before all.  Perhaps it’s time for us to change our perspective back to one in which age is honored.    

The biggest problem with a pessimistic view on aging is it perpetuates mental and physical inactivity and sedentary habits by exacerbating the decline of essential organ systems which need activity and stimulation as we age.  We think aging is bad and this seems to demotivate us. 

In his exceptional work on aging called The Art of Aging, Sherwin B. Nuland, MD, urges us to take a different point of view and approach aging as something to be cherished.  According to Nuland’s work, aging should be viewed as an opportunity to prepare for the future, be productive, gain and impart wisdom, and shed false identities in regards to status or career.  He urges us to become more authentic to our true selves and more engaged with our life as we age, not take things sitting down. 

In the book, which I consider essential reading to anyone interested in the deeper aspects of aging, Dr. Nuland reminds us how many people age with little or no loss of function and that the brain has a remarkable ability to influence its own aging.  He identifies 4 interdependent factors which affect aging:

1) Environmental influences
2) Normative genetic age changes
3) Decreased expectations in inactivity of body and mind
4) Disease

Nuland describes aging well as the ability to recover from injury and how nutrition, smoking, alcohol consumption, and the environments in which we live have an effect on the aging process.  Learning ability slows as we age, but the ability to learn or learn from experience does not.  Intellectual quickness and on-the-spot reasoning slows some, but wisdom can increase dramatically. 

Aging, far from being a negative and pessimistic event far out on the horizon, should be faced and even embraced head on in a loving way, mindful that how we use our life matters deeply. 

As Nuland urges in his book, instead of pretending the aging process isn’t happening, in order to sustain mental and physical health it is essential to plan ahead to be productive and lead a rewarding life of contribution.  The wiser we use our younger years, the more rewarding we will find our later years.  

My grandpa, who I wrote about in several earlier posts, and who I wrote about in Movement and Meaning, died at age 80 after being born in to a rural Appalachian family.  He led a tough life of physical labor working for Norfolk Southern railways and running his small farm in Alabama, but his life had meaning. Grandpa is someone I look at as a model of how aging should occur. 

The man was a man’s man, honorable to the core. He never bragged, boasted, or acted arrogantly and he never complained about his lot in life either.  Grandpa worked hard to be a good father, a good husband, and a good member of the community and his church. 

He was always very physically active, even though he probably never once even went in to a gym.  A good part of his ‘exercise’ in the last 10 or so years of his life involved lifting, bathing, and feeding my Grandma who had severe health complications from childhood polio which resulted in all sorts of health issues for her in her later years, rendering her physically incapacitated.  He took care of her not only physically, but mentally and spiritually, encouraging her and providing loving affection.  Grandpa understood what it meant to live an honorable life and to give. 

Without ever being a formal exerciser, his work on the farm and on the railroad kept him trim and fit up until he suffered a sudden heart attack and died at age 80, a few years after my Grandma died. 
Thankfully, he got to have some fun and travel the last few years of his life with a new girlfriend.   He was very active and never had to spend a day in a nursing home.  He didn’t focus on being happy, he focused on doing the right thing and living a life that mattered.  That’s what kept his heart strong. 

When I look to the future and to the end of my life, I want to be like this.  I want to be active, giving, and enjoying life up until the moment it’s time to go.

Aging is not a bad thing.

Aging is a good thing.

Aging can be a wonderful thing. 

Many cultures the world over respect the older ones who have gone before us.  Maybe we should do the same.  Maybe they can teach us something.

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