Values drive us, but our habits shape our character and how our lives turn out.

Below is an insert from Movement & Meaning, my book about how exercise affects the brain and helps build mental strength.

Creatures of Habit

Humans are creatures of habit, much more than we realize.  For example, when we learn something, such as the route to get to work, how to tie our shoes, or how to ride a bike, a habit loop is formed in the brain and we don’t really have to “think” about these routine actions anymore—they become second nature.  Engrained habit loops free up the rest of the brain to reason, process information, engage in critical thinking, and to work on more complex tasks. 

Humans are able to walk upright because our brains have become very efficient at creating these habit loops in the brain for repetitive tasks.  If the brain needed a lot of computing space to process things we do every day like driving, brushing our teeth, or making our bed, our heads would be so big we wouldn’t be able to walk upright.  This phenomenon explains why bad habits, such as drug addictions, which have become ingrained as memory loops in the brain and function like computer programs, are very hard to break.  Repeated often enough, we physically wire ourselves for addiction through habits.

Charles Duhigg describes in his fascinating 2012 book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, how AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) became the most popular and effective form of drug treatment in the world.  AA began as a movement modeled after first-century Christianity when a group of people who had alcohol problems started getting together for regular Christian-based religious meetings.  Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, took the group concept and moved it away from religion and solely towards helping people with substance abuse, while keeping the spiritual emphasis.  Wilson himself claimed to have given up alcohol with the help of the group and so he recruited others to join and then AA exploded from there.

Duhigg, in The Power of Habit, reveals how AA, with no initial scientific basis, has helped thousands of people overcome addiction by implanting new life-changing habits and beliefs in place of substance abuse.  AA participants gain the confidence that they can change and replace their old habits with new ones.  By attending AA, participants are taking action consistently, habitually, and ritually, changing their life by creating a new one.

Alcoholics have triggers which bring on an insatiable desire to drink and eventually they give in and gain the reward, which could be an emotional release, a social connection, or one of a variety of other things.  These “rewards” then reinforce the addictive behavior and this pattern continues between trigger and reward unless the downward spiraling cycle is broken.  With alcohol or drug addiction, the substance itself takes on a person-like reality and binds itself to the addict and the two unite to create a new “person”, just like in a marriage. 

This intimate union, no matter how negative, is hard to break away from just like any destructive relationship.   AA intercedes to replace this addictive habit loop with a healthy feedback system of meetings and emotionally bonded relationships in which the meetings replace the ritual of drinking and the relationships provide the emotional rewards. 

We really are creatures of habit, even more than we realize.  Our habits are our life because they are largely unconscious.   A key component to managing stress and building mental strength is to replace bad habits with healthy and life-affirming new ones.

Like the Blog? Sign up and Pass it On

Read Next: Do the Opposite

Sarah wakes up, scurrying around, trying to find her cell phone.  Did she get any Facebook “likes” while she was asleep?  How about Instagram?  Did she gain any followers over night?  Disappointed, and with a bit of a hangover, she sits down her phone and hops in the shower.  She has to be at work by 7:30 for a big meeting with the other HR managers so she skips breakfast and heads out the door.  Heading out the door, she tries to psyche herself up.  She was living “the dream”: working for a big corporation and actually getting to hire and fire people, and counsel and admonish her underlings on their “effectiveness”. 

Sitting through all those boring lectures at MSU in the business school were worth it, now that she was living out her dream and had the power she always craved.   A few more years, and even if she didn’t marry someone wealthy, she could pay off her loan and credit card debt and afford to buy that furniture from Restoration Hardware like her friends have, and get rid of that old IKEA stuff she’d had for 4 years.

On the 35 minute drive to work, she turns on the pop station to hear the latest news and listen to some celebrity gossip: Jane became John, the presidential candidate was in a Twitter war with Ellen, US women only make 78.5 cents on the dollar compared to men, and apparently Peyton Brady had an affair with his maid!  These hits of indignant-fueled adrenaline are not quite enough to keep her stimulated and feeling alert, so at the red lights she checks “Slate” magazine and Facebook on her phone.   At least she got 3 likes.  After a long day of TPS reports, meetings, and Equal Opportunity / Sensitivity classes, she leaves work at 6:15, starving to death.  Managing a healthy snack on the way home, she’s able to fight for a bike and make the 7 pm spin class where loud techno music is blasted for an hour, drowning out her uneasiness at turning 37 next month.  What a brutal workout! 

Luckily, Fresh Market is open until 9 so she stops by for some pre-made sushi and a bottle of wine after the spin.  “The Bachelor” comes on at 9, and if she hurries she can make it home in time.  As “The Bachelor” plays and she sips on her 2011 French Sauvignon Blanc, she reminisces about the black lady at the cafeteria at work.  Why did she seem so damn happy every day, with a job like that?  As the sentimental “Folgers” coffee commercial plays during the commercial break, she feels a tinge of loneliness and takes another sip of wine.  When the drama of “The Bachelor” returns, she quickly forgets the feelings of loneliness as the excitement of the dramatic story unfolds. 

At 10, exhausted, Sarah gets ready for bed and crashes at 10:30, reading a bit of 50 Shades of Grey, which Oprah has been talking about, before bedtime.  Glancing down at her Crate & Barrel rug as she turns off the light, she feels a tinge of pride at how far she’s come in life and how “free” she is, compared to her Mom, who still lives in her little hometown in Iowa. 

Sara wakes up, scurrying around, trying to find her journal.  What did she dream about again?  What was it that was bothering her?  Was that what the dream was trying to tell her?  She knows she really shouldn’t allow that person to mistreat her, and she wants to get her feelings out on paper so she can think through the situation and take a few minutes of quite time, so she’ll know the right thing to do.   At peace, she sits down her journal and hops in the shower.  She has to be at work by 7:30 for a big meeting with the other HR managers so luckily she’s gotten up early enough to have a healthy breakfast. 

Heading out the door, she couldn’t believe it.  She was living with integrity: out of debt, working for a company which shares her values and getting to encourage and love people through her work.   Sitting through all those boring lectures at MSU in the business school were worth it, now that she was living out her dream and sharing it with so many of her friends and family.   Another year, and she would have enough money to start her own business, or move closer to home, or take her parents on a trip overseas, which would be great because they sacrificed quite a bit for her to get to go to college.

On the 35 minute drive to work, she turns on the radio and hears the latest news and celebrity gossip and quickly turns it off, repulsed.  She has a half-hour to practice Spanish on the way to work.  After a long day of working on an important project, avoiding meaningless meetings, and taking a continuing education class, she leaves work at 4:15, with plenty of energy to go to the gym.  Managing a healthy snack on the way out, she’s able to make the 5 pm cardio class with her friend Jill (who is turning 36 next month like her and is trying to lose weight) so she can encourage and motivate her.  She even met a nice Hispanic man in class, Julio, who asked her out after he heard that she knew Spanish. 

Luckily, Fresh Market is on the way home so she stops by for some fresh vegetables and a nice bottle of wine after the workout.  After all, her best friends from her book club are coming over this weekend and she wants to serve some wine to them.   The 60 Minutes interview with the President comes on at 7, and if she hurries she can make it home in time to watch.  As 60 Minutes plays and she sips on her sparkling water, she reminisces about the black lady at the cafeteria at work.  Why did she take so long to get to know Michelle in the cafeteria?  After all, it’s amazing how far she has made it considering her childhood and she really looks forward to seeing her every day and values her solid friendship and admires her joyful attitude. 

As the sentimental “Folgers” coffee commercial plays during the commercial break, she feels a tinge of happiness and excitement when she remembers her parents who she will see this weekend.  I’m one lucky girl and have so much to be thankful for, she thinks.  When the interview returns, she quickly focuses on what the President says, since he doesn’t share her exact political views and she wants to understand where he’s coming from to see if they have common ground. 

At 10, exhausted, Sarah gets ready for bed and crashes at 10:30, reading a bit of Solzhenitsyn before bedtime.  Glancing down at her Crate & Barrel rug she picked up on Craigslist for next to nothing, as she turns off the light, she feels optimistic and peaceful about her life and the way it’s heading.  Since she really decided to make some positive changes in her life like opening herself up to new friendships, focusing on her family, achieving self-directed work projects, setting boundaries, avoiding negative influences, eating better, getting out of debt, and not trying to shop her way to happiness, she’s beaten her addiction, her depression, has all sorts of meaningful relationships and is sleeping better than she ever has. 
 
 Read Next:  If You Only Do 1 Exercise 

* If you know someone who suffers from anxiety, as we all know plenty who do and many of us have dealt with varying degrees of this, please pass this article on.  It may be helpful to someone you love and care about.

We are what we think, right? Well, partially but no, not really.  We are more what we love than what we think about.  More clearly, what we love is what we will think about because what we love shapes our character and our very being.  The mind will think about anything, as long as we let it, and train it to do so.  Most of the time, our mind is on auto-pilot because we’ve never trained it properly.

In the last year, I’ve thought about a lot of things: the weather, why fast food stinks, the pine tree that keeps dropping sap on my car, whether I will ever marry and if I do will I be happy, if I’m getting fat, God, about my parents and family and friends, about the future of our country, is the planet really warming or not, am I doing the right thing in my life, is Trump really a decent person, and on and on and on.  I know, it’s silly, but we all think about silly things.

The brain is there for a reason- to think and solve problems.  What problems we give the mind to think about and solve are based on the way we see ourselves and the world around us.   Anxiety, or worrying or obsessing is fundamentally caught up in this question: what am I here for, and what am I supposed to think about?  Without any general guidance on this question, it is easy to see how the mind could recede into chaos.

Cerebrus is the 3-headed dog of Greek mythology who guards the gates of hell, to keep everyone in.  Cerebrus offers us a useful metaphor for dealing with anxiety because it allows us to picture what a type of hell anxiety can be.  We are trapped in by this barking, howling, and general madness of an anxious mind that won’t seem to stop.

So if to think and love (something) is human, the question of anxiety becomes one of what should I think about and what should I love?  If I’m thinking of things which are unpleasant, not true, even destructive, and things I don’t really want to think about, shouldn’t I think of something different? 

Principle 1: We are not our thoughts and feelings. 

Eventually we may find we can turn off the mind, and just concentrate on being or being aware, which according to Martin Laird of Into the Silent Land, is the same thing.  But for now it is important to get some separation- WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.  Laughter is permitted and recommended at this point. 

I enjoyed an occasional Yoga session from the first time I did it.  It was an excellent way for me to balance out weight lifting and running, and stay flexible, and I always felt great after I did it.  That being said, the eastern focus on Yoga “emptying out” the mind never really resonated completely with me, so I never used Yoga for that reason.  I also tried off and on to meditate but to no avail.  It was frustrating because I am a disciplined person.  Why couldn’t I meditate?

I have recently been able to get over the hump of starting to meditate (it’s a work in progress) by using a prayer word instead of just sitting there breathing.  The Christian scriptural teaching of “praying without ceasing” fits quite well with the idea that we should ground our thinking and awareness not in nothing, or emptying out, but in love itself which is the ultimate end.  I was surprised to find out that historic Christianity has a great tradition of meditation.  To me, the basis of reality is love, not nothing, so that is what I have chosen to meditate on. 

Principle 2: When starting to learn to control anxiety, or obsessive thinking, it is helpful to learn to concentrate so the mind will have something to focus on, and a mantra or prayer word is helpful in this. 

For you, it may be a verse of scripture, or a mantra of faith, hope, love or some other useful tool.  If you share a different faith or viewpoint, you can try something else.  Over time, you may find you don’t need a formal prayer or mantra anymore.  At first, it may even be helpful to say it out loud.

So back to the beginning.  If we want to beat anxiety once and for all, we must first decide what we want to think about, what we should think about, and what is worth thinking about and what is not.  In order to answer the question of what to think about and what not to, let’s first decide what story we’re in and what role we want to play, and then we can decide what to think about.    I never said it would be easy, but beating anxiety can be done.  It’s ok.  Many have gone before you and traveled the same road. 

Principle 3: We are creatures of habit.  We must train ourselves on what to think about so it becomes automatic and drowns out everything else.  Write down your values and what you’re about, so you will know what to think about as a habit. 

As cliché as it sounds, every moment really is a miracle.  When we are aware of this we can draw ourselves back to the present and concentrate on the conversation, the tasty meal of avocado and eggs, and the sounds of the birds.  In “The Spiritual Power of Habit”, philosopher James KA Smith teaches us how we can re-orient ourselves towards an automatic flourishing.   What we do, according to Smith, and what rituals we engage in shape us more than our thinking, which supports the idea that we should decide on ultimate telos (according to Aristotle), or meaning, and in turn values and then live accordingly.  That way our living controls our thinking, not the other way around. 

We are here for some reason, we are not essentially a “reactive” creature like a lizard, but we are men and women and capable of more.  A lizard doesn’t have to do anything to be a lizard, but we are different.  What must we do then to “be” men and women?  Like music, it takes the discipline of a singer or piano player or harpist to make good living happen.  Otherwise: chaos and disharmony.  We need to be disciplined in thoughts, and gently correct ourselves and our thinking (we’re not perfect), so that we can make the “music” of being fully human.  What must we do, what must we value and how can we make it a habit to think about this? If you decide this, you can lay out a path to victory over anxiety.

Judo and martial arts contribute greatly to the conversation.  Entering the mat, a player bows to the sensei, entering the ritual space.  Then exercises and etiquette are displayed in a ritual way.  Learning takes place with repetition.   With years and years and years of practice, and humility, and submission, a Judo master is made.  One thing I love about Judo is the respect for authority and respect of accumulated wisdom, but what an affront to an individualist culture- after all, I know everything and can do everything and am a god already!  That’s why we drop out, of Judo, or guitar, or anything else that allows us to make “music”.  

Principle 4: Mastery takes time, whether it is music, or public speaking, or writing, Judo, or anything else, so we should not expect to be perfect in mastering our thinking or awareness right out of the gate.  Be patient and allow yourself time to think about the right things and to learn to relax. 

If you stay committed, you’ll get there.  Life is hard when you live it the easy way, and easy when you live it the hard way.

I’m a big fan of walking.  Some time, try to walk out the front door with no plan in mind.  This is an ecstatic experience.  I believe one reason I love New Orleans so much, is that it is an interesting place to walk.  Where you walk doesn’t matter.  Experiencing life and being open to it matters.  There is a truth out there, but you don’t have to find it in your walk, just enjoy your walk and you may find it anyway.  For example, you never really know what you’re going to write about until you start writing- the same with a good ecstatic walk.   We learn by walking, and writing, and doing and being present. 

Principle 5:  Exercise can be a healthy way to learn to focus and to be aware, which will prevent worrying. 

When you exercise, turn off your music, TV, internet, and think about the breathing, sets, reps, etc. or just look around and enjoy the view.  Exercise also boosts the natural chemicals in the brain that help us to relax, which I wrote about in Movement & Meaning.

In reality science and wisdom go hand in hand, because without wisdom science doesn’t mean anything.  Vocabulary doesn’t make a language just like knowledge doesn’t provide wisdom.  Science can help us use knowledge, and in turn wisdom more effectively, and on that note: Breathing is unique in that it is both unconscious (like our thoughts) and conscious (like our thoughts).  Breathing helps us to become aware and present, which kills obsession and worry.  Breathing is your most potent weapon, aside from deciding on your telos, ( from Aristotle, which again means reason for being ), in the battle against anxiety. 

Principle 6. Use breathing with your prayer or mantra and your battle to end anxiety will be tilted in your favor. 

What about noise, and distractions? Oh they’re there, and we have trained ourselves to pay attention to them.  Or rather, they are training us to love them.  They own us.  I love a good conversation, but unfortunately one can be hard to find.  Why is that?  Because we can’t think and talk and listen all at the same time and we’re always distracted.  Listening is not waiting until the other person shuts up.  Repeat back what someone says so they will know you listened.  Anger is a legitimate emotion, and I think one reason we have so much anger in the world, and rage, and hatred, is that people don’t feel listened to.  People want to be heard.  People matter.   You never know who you may encounter who needs to be heard. 

Principle 7: To get out of your head, go and get in someone else’s and talk to them and listen to them. 

Make a sincere effort to ask questions and get to know someone and how they’re doing.  I’ve been doing even more of this lately, and credit to my friend Jeff for pointing this out, how conversation is an art.  There is a fantastic anxiety - relieving conversation to be had at every corner if we are open to it.  An artistic conversation is like a dramatic tennis match, and the rhythm of the ball going back and forth as the volley continues.   I can almost hear it going back and forth.  P.S. If you know of a conversation vulture (you know the type) then run and stay far away!

Principle 8: Silence is golden and should be pursued to calm the mind, but silence can be cultivated in noisy environments. 

Sometimes, we can't get into a truly silent environment but silence, when attained from within in spite of our environment, can teach us quite a bit.  Silence can draw out the uncomfortable truths we don't want to think about, or what we've been avoiding.  Pursue silence, first in your environment, and then in your mind.  Make it a deliberate point to be in silence regularly, so you will can learn to listen to your conscience and your innermost self.  This will help you see your thoughts more clearly and get some space.  When you can't find physical or auditory silence, make it happen on your own by employing your breath, awareness, and prayer word. 

This is only the tip of the iceberg, or the tip of the mind if you want to look at it that way.  Practice these principles and your mind will start to form different thoughts, perceptions, and feelings, you will focus on better things, and you will wake up to the goodness, humanity, and freedom of the moment. 

As John Milton once said, “The mind is its own place, it can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven”, so let’s make it a heaven.

Recommended Reading: 
You are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit,  by James KA Smith
Into the Silent Land: Silence, Awareness, Contemplation  by Martin Laird

Also, please contact me if you or anyone you know would like to do some personal coaching.  I am seeing success with my tough-love style and have room for 1-2 more clients. 

Like the Blog? Sign Up

Hey ya'll I'm finally getting out of the stone age and updating my Youtube channel. 
This will be a great way to throw up videos about all sorts of health and fitness topics.

Plus, I figured you might be tired of watching reruns of The Golden Girls or the Apprentice. 

So far, I've put up a welcome video and one about .......

• Lifting something without hurting your back and making your indoor work environment healthier.
  
• Enjoy and let me know if you have any questions or suggestions for videos to do in the future.
  

Pretty much nothing (within reason) is off limits!
Scott