The Loneliness Epidemic: Causes and Cures

I was chatting with a financially ultra-successful friend today about all of the people he knows who are outwardly doing very well, but at one point or another and even currently, are struggling with anxiety, depression, loneliness, and various other modern ills. And some of these people even have large families! I was reminded that this is a problem at all socioeconomic strata and that I’d been meaning to finish up my essay on the topic of loneliness, which had been percolating in my subconscious for several years, since I read that the US Surgeon General issued a statement about the “loneliness epidemic” wreaking havoc in our society. So with no further delay…

The Loneliness Epidemic: 1) Causes and 2) Cures

Let’s first admit that loneliness is a social, moral, and health issue in America.  We have an aging population, which makes for a large cohort of lonely elderly.  We also have a growing number of single people who live alone. The US has the highest number of people living alone in the world.  So more people are alone and suffering from loneliness.  Most of us have struggled with this at one point or another. What’s causing this “loneliness epidemic” as the Surgeon General calls it?

Possible Causes

• Screen time– people are spending too much time online instead of cultivating social relationships. 
• Less religious participation– Religion hasn’t completely collapsed in America, but it’s definitely declined, which leaves people without two forms of connection- vertical connection to God or the creator, and horizontal connection to other believers. 
• Working from home– people are working at home more, which isolates. 
• Social media– this is a big problem, sometimes called “the new smoking”, a public health problem, especially for young people. It’s addictive and hard to break, plus devoid of real social connection, especially that of face to face eye contact. 
• Work-life balance– because of inflation and inequality, people are having to work more, which takes away from socialization.
• Political polarization– when half of the country is seen as beyond the pale, and often dehumanized for disagreement, it makes it harder to trust and build friendships. 
• Identity politics progressivism– the dominant social frame in our society is identity politics progressivism, which is built on dividing the population into political adversary groups. Men are pitted against women, “blacks” and the amorphous and ever-changing “people of color” are pitted against “whites”, citizens are pitted against “immigrants” and “refugees”, the rich are pitted against the poor, the ever-growing list of sexual identity groups, the LGBTQ etc. are pitted against straight people, traditional Christians are pitted against secular atheists.  If you happen to be a straight white Christian male, you find yourself the enemy of many different groups in this downwardly spiraling and nihilistic dichotomy. Socializing itself becomes fraught with danger in such a situation, which is the de-facto politicization of everything.  Even worse, many politicians, diversity consultants, and so on are invested in such a bifurcated and atomized toxic social situation.  Most people play along, hoping to not get caught up in one of these pogroms.  
• Family dispersal– families often live hours, sometimes days or countries away from each other. This is a new phenomenon in human history.
• Declining social trust– unfortunately, diversity exacerbates social distrust, according to sociologists.  The US is extremely diverse, which makes it harder for people to find where they fit in and socialize since socializing typically involves a shared culture.  This leads to hunkering down at home, often alone. 
• Living alone– as mentioned, living alone itself can lead to loneliness.  It seems obvious but it’s important to remember that it takes more effort to socialize if you’re single.
• Permanent revolution– a scholar I like says that revolution in America is like the appliance that hums in your house for so long that you eventually you quit noticing it.  The progressive liberal revolution in the USA has been going on for so many decades, over 60 to be exact, we don’t even notice it anymore.  There is very little social stability, which causes people to retreat into their respective silos, echo chambers, and apartments, avoiding fraught and politicized ideological interactions.  People typically had found solace and belonging in America through faith, which has been marginalized, through patriotism, which is seen as outdated or even called fascist, and family, which has fallen by the wayside as well. 
• Individualism– sociologists describe Western cultures as very ideologically individualistic, especially traditionally Protestant countries. 
• Car-oriented sprawl– walking connects us with nature and other people, cars separate us from others.  It’s fair to ask whether the machines we’ve created have closed distances or made us further apart?
• Growth of the state / government– in prior epochs, neighbors and families had to rely on each other, while modern people largely outsource these functions to the government.  This process keeps going and going until communities no longer exist in any real way because all of the functions of a real community have been outsourced to someone else.
• Ideology– this is related to the decline in community.  When people don’t have a culture or a community they latch on to amorphous and abstract ideologies like Socialism, Capitalism, Libertarianism, Feminism, Equality, Diversity, and / or Fundamentalism of many stripes.  Ideology is the opposite of a humanism that sees the value and dignity of people of all stripes. 
• Economics and economic mobility– people can move easily and do, to make more money and for a variety of reasons.  This uprooting removes a sense of belonging and community.
• Materialism, consumerism, and debt and usury capitalism– This is related to many of the other causes.  When other forms of meaning are rooted out of existence, like religion, family, neighborhood, nation, city, and tradition, the only way people have to feel alive is to buy things.  I’ve heard this called the “hedonic treadmill” – buy things on credit to feel the sensation of being alive, or to get the high of purchasing something, then have to work harder and be stressed more to pay off buying what you didn’t really need in the first place.  This leaves less time for socialization.
• Social acceleration, dynamic stabilization, and alienation– the German sociologist Hartmut Rosa, whose works I’ve devoured, deserves heaps of praise.  He’s developed a brilliant concept called social acceleration which defines, in my opinion, the pivotal challenge of our time.  Things are speeding up and have to- he calls this social acceleration, just so that we can then maintain the status quo.  We have to grow and progress, in order to maintain, which is always going to be self-defeating.  This makes resonance, which is his optimal solution, difficult to find.  Instead we get social alienation.  A great example of this is economics.  We buy more and take on debt, so we have to work more and pay more tax to pay off the debt, and this circle keeps going.  Rarely do we feel stable enough to feel settled, thus alienation, and eventually loneliness.  

Probable Cures

• Admit that loneliness is a problem.  – I’ve known people who are very wealthy and seemingly “successful” who struggle with this.  It’s very common and nothing to be ashamed of. 
• Reject failed mainstream society. –  This sounds harsh but it’s true. Our society’s only source of meaning is the accumulation of material resources, which turns everyone into competitors, which makes friendship, romance, family, and any kind of social association more difficult.  Realize that the catechisms and propaganda of modernity are not serving those who are being manipulated, only those who stand to gain from a demoralized and disempowered society. The stats and numbers don’t lie, do the opposite of what the mainstream is being taught to do and you’ll be happier and healthier. 
• Seek other sources of meaning. – There are other sources of meaning outside of the doomed effort to accumulate more.  God, religion, nature, art, learning, real friendships, hobbies, craftsmanship, these are all things that resonate with people outside of the culture of consumerism.
• Get out of the house. – It sounds simple, but just making yourself go do something, anything, can be a start.  You don’t have to spend money, just start with walking.
• Turn off social media. – Life starts when you unplug.  Consider the fact that you can’t see or touch or interact with people online.  Social media is anti-social in a very real way.
• Unplug. – Tech fast once a week- We’re turning into cyborgs.  People are becoming half men – half machines, and can’t function without the phone.  It’s making us irritable, dumber, and unable to focus.  Every day and every week take a focused fast. 
• Join a church. – Churches are great ways to meet people.
• Go to an office. – Get back in the office again, even if you don’t have to. 
• Take more time off. – Take time to enjoy life, if you don’t it’ll pass you by.  Most of the developed world has multiple weeks off per year, and some Latin parts of the world even have built in time for an afternoon nap. 
• Reject identity politics. – You may vehemently disagree with someone about politics, but don’t get so worked up about it that you refuse to socialize with someone who disagrees with you.  Remember your political opponents’ humanity. 
• Look for places to “stand” socially. – Unfortunately we live in age of the disintegration of social institutions, which also corresponds with decline social trust.  Find smaller ways to form community on local levels, with those who share your interests and values.  I’ve already mentioned some of these, but it could be hobbies, through religion, or yes even through politics. 
• Make an effort to stay in touch with family. – Since families don’t live near each other, it takes a concerted effort and commitment to plan to see each other.  Make it happen by putting in the effort, even if other family members aren’t trying as hard as you are to keep in touch. 
• Find traditions to get involved with or make up new ones. – This is self-explanatory, but find anything that happens weekly, monthly, quarterly, or yearly and get involved.  This could be anything from a yearly trip with friends to a weekly men’s group meeting to work on a shared interest.
• Get a roommate, get married, or take on a renter. – A simple way to solve loneliness is to find someone to live with, through marriage, a roommate or renting out a room. Another way to accomplish this would be to live with family and save money at the same time.
• Think about the common good. – Volunteer with a charity or start a help group. Volunteering is a great way to fight loneliness.
• Walk, bike, or ride public transportation. – Simply getting out of your own car would force you to interact with many people.  It’s a way to force yourself to be more social.
• Go for harmony over equality. – The problem with an ideological mindset is that it forces you to see the world as black and white.  There will always be problems in the world, and it’s fine to want to make it better.  But raging about inequality without taking action is a waste of time.  Focus on points of harmony, how we can cooperate and improve.  A focus on harmony over equality depoliticizes social interactions.
• Put limits on economics and reject debt, consumerism, and materialism. – Looking at the world as a purely materialistic universe turns other people into instruments of your own pleasure and utility, instead of an end in and of themselves. 
• Be a localist. – Think local, and act local.  What’s happening even in the next state is not really that relevant to most of us.
• Be a neighbor. – Some of the best social opportunities are literally right outside the front door. 
• Use tech to find social opportunities. – The Facebook Events tab has many events to check out, and I’ve used this many times to find concerts and shows. 
• Look for points of resonance to overcome alienation. – This goes back to what I wrote earlier about Harmut Rosa’s social acceleration.  Find places, find things to do, find people you resonate with.  People, things, and places that respond to you.  For many its nature, music, exercise, crafts, friendships, and / or religion. 
• Stand up for traditional sources of meaning. – If something is true, it’s not new, it can’t be, because if its true its always been true. Throughout all of human history, people found meaning through the truths of tradition, and our time is no different.  Your job is not to change reality, because you can’t, your job is to work with reality so that you change for the better. 
• Move. – Sometimes if you may just need to move somewhere else.
• Seek the harmony of nature and reality. Call things what they are. – We focus too much on abstract agendas and unreal and amorphous ideologies. Our lives are what we pay attention to so we can reground ourselves to a state of dignity and power through nature.  Equality as an ideology is the obliteration of language and the death of culture.  Let me explain. I’m not talking about equal treatment and fairness, I’m talking about equality as an ideology, as in the obliteration of distinctions, and thus language and culture.  If a cat and a dog are the same thing, are equals in other words, then language is done and of no use, because our names for things like cats and dogs have no meaning and life has no meaning.  So why socialize? On the other hand if something is true, say a cat is a cat and a dog is a dog, and nature has a reality of essences – of what things really are – then to say otherwise is inconceivable.  We have to go back to calling things what they are, so that we can pass on a culture.  Sitting around alone and worrying about politics and ideology is not a cure but rather a cause of loneliness. Cultures are based on the names of things – what things are and what is good, beautiful, and true.  So to name things correctly and then to engage with each other, we can live in harmony with nature and each other and make a happier and healthier society.  To seek harmony is to allow for distinctions and differences, not fight against nature, which is based in reality. Plato called them the essences of things, what things really are in form, and to live in this named reality and to seek to work together to achieve certain ends is the ultimate aim of a social world that works for health and harmony. Simply going outside to walk in the woods, if everyone did it, could start a revolt against loneliness and social decline simply by reconnecting to reality.

I enjoyed writing this post, which could easily be turned into a book.  Loneliness is not that complicated, but it’s also not easy to fix.   It’s amazing, we can put rockets in outer space and there’s even recent talk of reaching Mars, but we can’t seem to live in a way that is best for us.  They say “a fish rots from the head down” and I do think that’s part of the problem- I’m a big believer in the 80/20 rule and if we had better leadership in the top 10-20% we’d have a better social world.  That problem will one day sort itself out, hopefully soon.  Until then, these ideas can help solve the social ill and epidemic of loneliness. 

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Scott

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